Nobody's home

I'm so hurt. I don't even know why anymore. I'm so confused. I don't want to do anything anymore. When I started this blog a long time ago I was so happy and now look at me. I'm so hurt, I feel so damaged.
There are people who say to express your feelings and then there are people who say to just smile. So now I will try what I have not tried yet. Putting on my fake smile and pushing everything completely inside......

Fall to Pieces

I haven't felt anything yet have I? Only I know....I miss him a lot right now, every weekend I cry and I just don't know what to do with myself. If I don't have any friends it hurts more because I remember being with him on the weekends. It was always so fun. But now every time I see him I just want to cry. But I try and get through it. Who knows when this will be over, I don't.
Life's so confusing, I try and make everyone happy but no one notices and when I try to make myself happy it's like it doesn't matter. I'm trying, why doesn't anyone see that?.... I won't ever understand this thing called life. This is just an obstacle....I'll get through it....right?
Who knows.....
This is short, but I don't really know what else to say right now except I miss him and I feel hurt by all the ones I love....

Letters To Juliet

I watched this movie tonight and I don't really think I should have watched. haha But it was a good lovey dovey movie. The only bad thing is that it started to make me sad again. I know adults and everyone says that you're to young to fall in love or it's not going to last forever but how can you be so sure?
I know I've fallen in love and many people may not want to here it or even believe it. But it is what I feel, no one can change it. I miss him every day now and I know in order to start being around him I have to change. I'm doing the best I can right now. But it gets hard sometimes.
Today I started thinking about the future and if we move, or when we move. What is he going to do? I really think he will stay here. But would he ever come and travel to where I am at in the world and try and see me again? I think that "true" love is when you're willing to fight for the person and do whatever you can to be with them. If he does ever do that for me or then I will know that this isn't just a little teen crush.
Right now, in life, I'm just trying to prove to people that I'm not willing to let him go. No matter what they say and when they do say things about me and him they don't realize that it makes me want to wait for him more. I know that we will date when I am 16 cause were already almost halfway there.
I fell in love with him the day that I saw him and ever since then I haven't stopped loving him. I may be only 14 but you are NEVER too young to fall in love. Through all the things that have been happening I know there is something good going to happen in the end. Because God puts us through trials before he gives us are many blessings he has. I love my God and I'm glad he put Derrick in a piece of my life.

Monster

Life's so weird sometimes. I don't really know how to fix anything anymore. I don't know when I am ever doing anything right. Almost everyone feels so far away, and I feel like they just pushed me to the side and I am something that's in their way. They don't really need me. I'm just a big mess up that people have to deal with.
I don't know where I belong anymore, I don't even really know what I am suppose to do. Who wants me around them anymore? I thought I changed for them and now it's like I did nothing. Why couldn't we be back in Japan, everything was fine there. I'm so confused.
Everything slipped away all at once, I don't know who I am anymore, what I'm suppose to do, or how to make anyone happy with me.
I will never do anything right for anyone.....I'm a monster

Been awhile....

Man, it's been awhile since I've written on here. Things have been going great for me in Florida. Church has helped me with a lot with problems, I've had and are still having. Well, I shouldn't say church itself more so God. I love living here in Florida, I really would love to stay here if possible. I would say other things that have happened but my mom would probably get mad at me. hahaha <3 PEACE

Hola!!!!!

I started this new blog thing, just because. Is that a good enough definition.....not really. So I'm going to get started. PEACE